You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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