I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
