I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
