Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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