Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
