I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
