The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
