I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
