did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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