Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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