She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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