we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
