they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
