don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
