some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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