Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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