I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
