dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
