After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Someone shattered a urinal.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
