This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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