I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
