i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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