Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
