I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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