You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
