omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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