Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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