She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
