I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
