hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
