i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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