I got chris browned last night
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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