John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
