Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
