dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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