The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
