i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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