the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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