My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's never too late to be topless.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Vodka?
Forever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
