I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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