OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
