Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
