You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
