Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
