I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And then he peed in my hair
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
