people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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