Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
