There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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