also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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