Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I puked a lego.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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