I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
