the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
