At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
