I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
