is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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